Today is Father’s Day — we don’t celebrate for the sad reason that he killed himself in 2005.
Suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a TEMPORARY situation!!! STOP! THINK!!! READ the long, very long consequences for those YOU left behind because YOU thought they will be better off without you!
Yes, when you were alive you could have been a better dad. This is why our teen daughters were not speaking with you. True, you weren’t paying child support, took US (your children and the mother of your children, your ex wife, OFF the health insurance without telling me.) Yes, you knew I was about to have cancer surgery and didn’t care, didn’t call on your kids birthdays…but bought a new car, and killed yourself when it was reposesed. A car was more important, as were the drugs.
Yet, you were ALIVE there was HOPE to change, to reconcile, to speak.
What do those left behind have now: guilt mixed with anger, unanswered questions…
The MOTHER, that is unfortunately me, MUST deal with my children’s anger and distortions because I am still ALIVE!!! My shell of a body is, but my heart is broken. Shattered to pieces by those I adore and are discarding me.
For most of my daughters’ lives I tried to do the best I could with what I had and how I KNEW at the time. Was I perfect? Hell NO!!! BUT… Was I loving, dedicated and fierce in defending my children and trying to offer them the BEST: education, social life, skills, was I at their head in the hospitals when they were sick? HEAVEN YES!!!
On Mother’s Day, I received a postcard from one of my daughters trips to Bahamas, and a magnet to “cheer up MY refrigerator. The note said “sorry we cannot have a relationship at this time.”
WAS THIS MY CHILD WHO WROTE THAT NOTE? A therapist perhaps, so we keep the situation “civilized?” No waves, no, no, in our perfect world we only have clear, smooth waters!
OH NO! Do you SEE the sharks at the bottom?
The deadly shock for me came when I was dis-invited from her graduation and received pictures which my best friend mailed to me, of my daughter’s graduation and her NEW family ( her husband’s, who didn’t want to get involved in “family drama,”) I guess that was me (the drama mama who raised two daughters on her own and now is still alive to receive the hits from consequences of the Dad, who died 9 years ago!) Now, instead of being happy at last, memories are entangled, inappropriate therapies used, a mother-daughter relationship destroyed because what is better than a very long term client who doesn’t get better? May be worse, because inappropriate types of therapies are used.
What is the interest of pharmaceutical companies to cure, when “managing” is “better.” I mean, SAME principle. Follow the money!
I am not rich financially, I was raised by a mother who told me the only thing no one could take away from you, is your education! She was right, I am not financially rich, but my brain is not poor.
Yes, I am aging, we all do but what hurts is how the glitter took over my children’s minds and souls to the point of making it okay to discard mom who dedicated the last 28 years of her life, to them, UNCONDITIONALLY. True, NOW there was no gain, or reason for ME, so, I was discarded!
For those about 60% of the families who struggle with Father’s Day’s, Mother’s Days, the Holidays, and unappreciated parenting because YOU, ONE PERSON tried to do the job for TWO this is for ALL OF YOU, to know you are NOT ALONE!!! I hope the truth it will make someone feel better. It sucks to feel everyone is happy and perfect except you. Know you, me, others are real and not alone or lonely! Now that the truth is out!
What could anyone take from me when everything was already taken?
I stare at the clear, smooth waters and see the sharks. I JUMP IN AND SWIM!!!
I wish I could” wish you,” my readers, who perhaps relate to this post, HAPPY… something.
But I feel sad and betrayed, so fill in your own blanks and share with us!
I am HAPPY because______________
PS If all is perfect in your life, enjoy and don’t share yet another lie! Go on Facebook!