Happy Mother’s Day! Motherhood is a State of Mind!Once a mother, always a mother…

IMG_0065imageThe TV commercials flood us with images of perfect children, grateful husbands offering diamonds and an overall ideal WORLD, making me wonder what’s wrong with the “Picture” in which I live?
Perhaps I’m the only mother whose husband didn’t offer her diamonds, or for that matter flowers. As he told me, times and again, “You are not my mother!”
He is no longer in our lives and my children are grown ups. They live thousands of miles away… My reality is cards, texts, agift cards..
Am I as happy as the mother in a tv commercial? No, but I am grateful they remember me.
Which brings us to the next question: Who must wish a mother, “Happy Mother’s Day,” if anyone?
No one is under a moral obligation, however, it feels good when friends who know how much unconditional LOVE a mother offered, acknowledge it.
The message I hear is, “Good job!” I feel validated and worthy.

As a mother, my message to all the mothers in the WORLD, is:
Once a mother, always a mother, Even if your reality is not a TV commercial!
The reality of motherhood is much more! It is a state of mind!

Motherhood IS FOREVER!!! A Mother’s Day “SPECIAL”

This post is dedicated to motherhood, which is everyday, not only  one day in May.

For the last three weeks or longer,  I have been unable to listen to, or watch anything on the media because of the non-stop ads about Mother’s Day gifts and making it sound as if everyone ever born (one thing is for sure, we ALL came of a Mother) is running to K- Jewelers to buy the “Open-Heart Collection,” or diamonds, or even better chocolates and diamonds. I switched channels but other channels told me stories of discounts for Mom.

My favorite, which made me turn off the TV, not just switch channels: Mom opens a LOT of presents under the watchful gaze of her also perfect daughter. Mom is clearly delighted, yet, she says:”You shouldn’t have!” but everyone knows better! She says that just because, by definition, mothers in TV commercials are PERFECT! That includes humble.

As the mother of two adult daughters raised here, in the world of “every kiss begins with K,” therefore the conclusion is go buy expensive diamonds from K-Jewelers, I have mixed feelings about Mother’s Day and the way we have been programmed to celebrate it, in line with all the other commercial holidays.

I also think of my own mother, no longer on Earth, but whom I will ALWAYS celebrate in MY HEART.

I am thinking back to my childhood, in Romania  where we didn’t have Mother’s Day. So… lacking a randomly (or may be not so randomly) chosen Day to show appreciation for my mother, I showed my love and respect every day, in small but significant ways, as she was aging and fighting cancer.

In my culture, respect for a mother was not a one day deal, but a life-long responsibility, which was not doubted or questioned or commercialized.

We had the knowledge in our DNA that our mothers brought us into this world, nursed us, raised us, were by our side in all major life events, good and bad. Somehow we also knew that our moms were not perfect but they did the best they could with what they had at that moment. We knew somehow without anyone preaching us, what to do to honor our mothers every day when their turn came to be shown love.

Commercials set aside, parties forgotten, please remember every day that without your MOM, there would be NO YOU.

Celebrate motherhood everyday, because  mothers don’t feed us, kiss us and love us one day a year, but every breathing moment for as long as they live!

For me, as I will honor my own mother tomorrow, with the good and the bad times together, I wish all daughters would take a moment to reflect and open their hearts, not to buy from the “open heart collection,” but to simply say:

I love you Mom!” 20140910_124124

Father’s Day, Mother’s Day? SINGLE PARENT??? The Long Term Devastation of a Father’s SUICIDE!!!!

Today is Father’s Day — we don’t celebrate for the sad reason that he killed himself in 2005.

Suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a TEMPORARY situation!!! STOP! THINK!!! READ the long, very long consequences for those YOU left behind because YOU thought  they will be better off without you!

Yes, when you were alive you could have been a better dad. This is why our teen daughters were not speaking with you.  True, you weren’t paying child support, took US (your children and the mother of your children, your ex wife, OFF the health insurance without telling me.) Yes, you knew I was about to have cancer surgery and didn’t care, didn’t call on your kids birthdays…but bought a  new car, and killed yourself when it was  reposesed.  A car was more important, as were the drugs.

Yet, you were ALIVE there was HOPE to change, to reconcile, to speak.

What do those left behind have now: guilt mixed with anger, unanswered questions…

The MOTHER, that is unfortunately me, MUST deal with my children’s anger and distortions because I am still ALIVE!!!  My shell of a body is, but my heart is broken. Shattered to pieces by those I adore and are discarding me.

For most of my daughters’ lives I tried to do the best I could with what I had and how I KNEW  at the time. Was I perfect? Hell NO!!! BUT… Was I loving, dedicated and fierce in defending my children and trying to offer them the BEST: education, social life, skills, was I at their head in the hospitals when they were sick? HEAVEN YES!!!

On Mother’s Day, I received a postcard from one of my daughters trips to Bahamas,  and a magnet to “cheer up MY refrigerator. The note said “sorry we cannot have a relationship at this time.”

WAS THIS MY CHILD WHO WROTE THAT NOTE? A therapist perhaps, so we keep the situation “civilized?” No waves, no, no, in our perfect world we only have clear, smooth waters!

OH NO!  Do you SEE the sharks at the bottom?

The deadly shock for me came  when I was dis-invited from her graduation and received pictures which my best friend mailed to me, of my daughter’s graduation and her NEW family ( her husband’s, who didn’t want to get involved in “family drama,”)  I guess that was me (the drama mama who raised two daughters on her own and now is still alive to receive the hits from consequences of  the Dad, who died 9 years ago!) Now, instead of being happy at last, memories are entangled, inappropriate therapies used, a mother-daughter relationship destroyed because what is better than a very long term client who doesn’t get better? May be worse, because inappropriate types of therapies are used.

What is the interest of pharmaceutical companies to cure, when “managing” is “better.” I mean, SAME principle. Follow the money!

I am not rich  financially, I was raised by a mother who told me the only thing no one could take away from you, is your education! She was right, I am not financially rich, but my brain is not poor.

Yes, I am aging, we all do but what hurts is how  the glitter took over my children’s minds and souls to the point of making it okay to  discard  mom who dedicated the last 28 years of her life, to them, UNCONDITIONALLY. True, NOW there was no gain, or reason for ME, so, I was discarded!

For those about 60% of the families who struggle with Father’s Day’s, Mother’s Days, the Holidays, and unappreciated parenting because YOU, ONE PERSON tried to do the job for TWO this is for ALL OF YOU, to know you are NOT ALONE!!! I hope the truth it will make someone feel better. It sucks to feel everyone is happy and perfect except you. Know you, me, others are real and not alone or lonely! Now that the truth is out!

What could anyone take from me when everything was already taken?

I stare at the clear, smooth waters and see the sharks. I JUMP IN AND SWIM!!!

I wish I could” wish you,” my readers, who perhaps relate to this post, HAPPY… something.

But I feel sad and betrayed, so fill in your own blanks and share with us!

I am HAPPY because______________

God bless!

Rodica

PS If all is perfect in your life, enjoy and don’t share yet another lie! Go on Facebook!

 

https://www.proventherapy.com/Rodica