Happy Mother’s Day! Motherhood is a State of Mind!Once a mother, always a mother…

IMG_0065imageThe TV commercials flood us with images of perfect children, grateful husbands offering diamonds and an overall ideal WORLD, making me wonder what’s wrong with the “Picture” in which I live?
Perhaps I’m the only mother whose husband didn’t offer her diamonds, or for that matter flowers. As he told me, times and again, “You are not my mother!”
He is no longer in our lives and my children are grown ups. They live thousands of miles away… My reality is cards, texts, agift cards..
Am I as happy as the mother in a tv commercial? No, but I am grateful they remember me.
Which brings us to the next question: Who must wish a mother, “Happy Mother’s Day,” if anyone?
No one is under a moral obligation, however, it feels good when friends who know how much unconditional LOVE a mother offered, acknowledge it.
The message I hear is, “Good job!” I feel validated and worthy.

As a mother, my message to all the mothers in the WORLD, is:
Once a mother, always a mother, Even if your reality is not a TV commercial!
The reality of motherhood is much more! It is a state of mind!

A Mother’s Heart Knows

Drip, drip, drip…

Tears on my cheeks,

Lingering on my chest,

All the way down,

On the hard floors,

underneath my feet!

Drip, drip, drip…

Pain in my brain,

Confusion in my heart,

Despair in my soul!

Drip, drip, drip…

The whole of me hauls,

Like a wild animal,

Left with no cubs.

Far away, a new rock bottom is being reached,

Helped by hyenas disguised as friends!

Drip, drip, drip…

We dig our holes,

Thousands of miles away,

Yet our souls are tangled into eternity…

They came of me

I can’t let go and watch my babies fall

A piece of me is them,

A piece of them is me…

We fall together,

Regardless the distance,

In different ways,

In far away places!

Drip, drip, drip…

My own tears drawn me,

God watches, knows and decides,

on his own terms!

Drip, drip, drip…

The whole of me is ice,

but I  feel  stabbing

Ice

Ice

pain…

When would the nightmare end?

Drip, drip, drip…

I wipe off the blood which pours

from my wounded heart…

Drip, drip, drip,

there is MORE!!!

Why Holidays Are So Hard for Some of Us (in preparation of next week scheduled telephone chats)

I will not even attempt to guess why the Holidays are hard for you… All I could say is, I hope our time together will make you feel better.

It could be unpaid bills, not enough money to buy your kids the desired toys, or the expectation that once again the “family” will sit together and all will start just fine, until Uncle Frank gets too drunk and remembers bad things of long ago…It could be the regret that once you had a family and festive meals, but now you are alone and depressed…

All I could write about is why the holidays are hard for my family and me in particular.

In 2005, in November, as I was driving home from an Al Anon meeting (meetings to support the families of alcoholics), my phone rang. It was 10:00 PM and reluctantly I pulled the car to the side of the road.

I picked up and answered: “Hello?”

“He is dead!!!”‘a man’s voice said. It was my ex-husband’s brother.

He was letting me know my ex-husband completed suicide and told me I must tell our teen daughters immediately. After all he was there father! I hesitated, but for once didn’t listen my gut.

I drove home quickly, woke up my youngest, and as gently as I could whispered:

” Honey, I am so sorry…Your father is dead!”

She was 15 at the time. My  older was out with her boyfriend. I called them and asked to come home, there was an emergency.

I went to my youngest’ s bed again. She  was motionless, as if in a trance. I shook her  shook.  I held her tighter…but I could not transfer her any courage or strength. I was empty!

” I know this is terrible,” I said and hugged her. She pushed me away.

Soon the elder daughter and her boyfriend arrived, and we all sat there, in the living room, crying and shivering and not coming to terms with the reality of the sudden chosen death of their father who was leaving behind so many unanswered questions for all of us…

How do you understand? Come to terms? Heal? Is it even possible.

The best explanation of life of people who survived the suicide of someone close is: as if you rebuilt a life around a hole, but life will never be the same.

Support groups, friends, family, church and community… what helps most?

We will discuss it next week, if you call.

Please see the schedule in the post.