Broken in million pieces!!!
Did I slip, was I pushed, both?
Experts glued me together.
Barely could see the fine cracks covered by make-up
All that mattered was the illusion of perfection, after all.
Again and again and again,
The “accident.” repeated: pushed, slipped, fell…
Ambulance, surgery, fixed by the experts…
I know the play by heart, I could do it alone,
Be the hero of my own play.
By habit, I trip, I fall on a hard floor,
The pain is great, the floor hard,
But not harder than the core of me!
I look around:
No surgery or experts.
Only a wall. An object with no feelings.
I lean against it
I think the advantage was I didn’t have to thank
An inanimate object!
What a relief!
Slowly, I leaned on it and pulled myself up.
I knew I wasn’t required, and no one cared,
Yet, I head my own voice scream in my own ears: “Thank You, WALL!”
My lips touched the rough cold cement.
No one heard,
No one cared,
The wall was ungrateful!
My ears felt numb,
My lips bleeding.
I was happy to have done the right thing,
Not because it mattered to others,
But because it mattered to me.
I respected myself enough to
Follow the flexibility of my consciousness.
I cared not what the world might think
But how my heart felt
When doing what was right!
My core might be frail enough to break,
Life required flexibility and foolish people
Didn’t comprehend the difference
Between weakness and flexibility.
To survive one must flexible.
Weakness, will kill you!
Simple to tell the difference…
When I was escaping Communist Romania, many years ago, on my way to “freedom,” I traveled in the same train compartment with a small, grey-haired woman whose eyes spoke the wisdom of age and life experience.
I thought, at the time, she “bought” my lie, that I was just going on a trip to what was at the time West Germany. As I look back I am questioning my “know it all” attitude that most young people have, myself included.
We had a long train ride, and she gave me plenty of advice. I forgot most of it, but very time life throws an unexpected obstacle my way, I remember her words:
“Don’t make very long plans. They almost never work!”
Well, I thought, what did she know? I sure knew MY future, MY GOALS, it was ALL planned!!!
I will not write this post about how many times I had to change the course of my planned to perfection life, or how I ended up changing at least 6 professions to survive the changes around me. If those details, and life lessons interest you, please read the first 100 posts of this blog.
The PURPOSE of this post is to share with you that while it is great to plan, have goals, many times circumstances beyond OUR control happen and derail our initial goals. Just like a train… do you fall off the tracks or get back your balance and stay in the course of life?
Perhaps, a wise suggestion would be to learn to take the small steps that lead to a long-term goal. If life throws your way obstacles, YOU do not have the power to change them. However, YOU have the power to be flexible and CONTROL your attitude.
This is the gift we were given by a Higher Power, the freedom of choice and control over ourselves and our choices. No One else’s!
My goal, when I escaped communism, was to have freedom of speech. To write a book and be allowed to say jokes about political figures and not go to jail!
Ultimately, I wrote a book, I am blessed with you, my readers, and the privilege to share with you… but ON THE WAY… I was faced with six changed of professions, single motherhood, suicide loss… and more. EVERY time something negative happened, what saved me was FLEXIBILITY and understanding that most times life’s road is not straight, but winding and if you don’t follow the bends… oh well…
In conclusion goals are great as long as they are accompanied by flexibility and the wisdom that we could only change us.
The times when one started work for one company and if he or she worked hard and performed well, chances were the person could happily retire from that company, are GONE!!!
I read somewhere that a person may change their profession up to nine times in their life-time! That piece of information made me feel good about my self and changing professions only seven times!
Given the statistics and my personal experience, I would say the number ONE Quality necessary to survive and possibly thrive in today’s environment is FLEXIBILITY!
Because we live in a litigious society, and I cannot or would not sue myself, I’d give my personal example:
I was born in Eastern Europe, in Communist Romania. Communism cannot even be conceived by people born after its fall in 1989, but in those times one quickly learned that flexibility meant survival.
I always liked to learn, or to be honest, my mother instilled in me the wise idea that EDUCATION was the only quality which cannot be taken away from you!
I graduated with a B.A. in English and Romanian from the University of Bucharest and during my college years I worked for an International Fair, and fortune smiled on me, I was selected for the U.S. Pavilion, which provided for us red, polyester uniforms which we got to keep, and coffee on our breaks! This is how I met a few diplomats and after graduation I was fortunate to get a translator job at the US Embassy. After a few years I defected to the U.S.No one needed Romanian translations and everyone was asking about my experience in various fields.How could one get experience if no one wants to hire you? To this day it remains a mystery to me…
One sector ONLY didn’t ask me about experience; instead, they gave me tests, written, oral, interviews face to face to determine IF I had the right personality for sales! This is how from a translator I became an insurance agent knocking door to door and making as many as 100 calls to get one appointment. I quickly advanced and earned all the possible licenses in the fields of life, health, homeowners and later mutual funds. Honestly, I hated it, and I was taking rejection personally, despite my manager’s weekly pep talks! After a few years I married and dedicated my life to my two daughters. I wanted them o have everything I didn’t in my childhood, but especially my attention and love. After a few year, of motherhood,we needed more money.I tried several businesses: Affairs of the Heart (was a letter writing service for busy people who wanted to express their love) It failed! Then followed:”Home Away from Home (a bed and breakfast, which lasted a month, until my township which issues me a license went me a letter:it was a mistake, a zoning issue.) I still persevered and attempted “Unforgettable Moments,”a video service, and I still get nightmares about it!Then I went to a reputable massage therapy school, led by nuns at the Medical Mission Sisters in Philadelphia., later learned energy modalities, clinical hypnosis and ultimately went again to school and got my license in esthetics (skin care).
By 2000, after working in an M.D. office, I opened my own Wellness Services Office, at a time when wellness was not “in.”
Those were the happiest years of my life. I loved helping people and being my own boss, which allowed me a flexible schedule for my daughters.
Unfortunately, life happens, and in 2005 I was forced to close my business.
I was again at square one! I had experience but no longer the physical ability to work with what my clients considered healing hands, and make a living.
Those were hard years, but if I am to find the positive in misfortune, under those circumstances I learned who my real friends were.
But wait! I was not done with trying and determined to apply whatever skills I had to bettering this world. Some people are motivated by money, some, by power, I am motivated by the joy of helping others.
Under those dire circumstances I was accepted to the graduate school of Chestnut Hill College in Philadelphia. At the end of 2012 I earned a M.S. in Counseling and Clinical Psychology and joined on a need be basis Proven Therapy, an online counseling service https://www.proventherapy.com/Rodica)
I often think that my mother, who died many years ago, would die again if she saw through how many changes I went to survive our changing world. At some point I was a cook for a rich family with various culinary needs.
Now that I count it actually makes for EIGHT drastic changes. These lessons made me who I am today. When my memoir, The Gypsy Saw Two Lives, was published, I was in bed with my right ankle broken, unable to move.
So, the second quality necessary for survival, even success in our changing world, is to persevere- NEVER GIVE UP!
I would like to finish by sharing what guides my life:
NEVER SAY NEVER!!!
May the Higher Power guide you and help you on your life-path. Don’t be afraid of hardships or changes. Almost always they ultimately bring renewal and joy! Most times, when we are too close to the picture we miss the bigger meaning!