As I continue to fight for a proper diagnosis of the unbearable pain and swelling of my right wrist, and fight a health care system which seem to work against common sense, I am meditating on death and dying more than ever before… as I perceive it as a clear possibility as the “system” keeps sending me for more tests and no treatment is performed because of ridiculous protocols imposed by the health insurance companies!
The winter is approaching fast and all plants in my garden are already either hibernating or they died forever.
Perennials, berries and rose bushes, will come back in the Spring. Not so with some of the herbs and annual flowers. I will have to buy fresh ones in the Spring. What that tells me on a metaphorical level, is that the strong survives. Why some plants die and some take a break and come back renewed? ALL SEEMS TO BE A CYCLE! Am I a perennial or an annual?
Are we, humans, also part of a cycle? “Dust to dust?” Where does the “essence of us,” what we call “souls,” go after death?
How do you imagine Heaven? Do we go to be with Jesus, if we are Christians? How does happen exactly?
Is there a place called Hell? Who goes there?
I wish y Faith were strong enough for me to not question where will my Soul go, but I DO QUESTION!
I immagine the essence of us travels to a different level of consciousness. I have NO VISUAL OF IT, but I wonder if some souls return on Earth and some don’t…just like flowers…
I am trying to study in depth The Bible, which is not one book, but many. Probably, if the Bible were the ONLY book left on Earth, a life time will not be enough to understand its many levels and metaphors.
I have not studied the Hindu concept of reincarnation in depth, however I do wonder if our souls come back on Earth in different forms…
As I am fighting for a proper diagnosis and treatment, unwillingly forced to follow medical protocols imposed by the insurance companies, I wonder about death!
The system is designed so that if a case does NOT FIT a PROTOCOL, designed by the health insurance companies, that case doesn’t exist! Despite all my doctors’ efforts to diagnose and treat me, I am getting worse, when I know a course of IV antibiotics will cure me!
IF the doctors could treat me based on my medical history, and clinical observation. To LOOK and SEE MY HAND!!!
It seems that is not possible! I am wondering if I will end up dead when it would be so easy to stay alive and be well if treated with IV antibiotics!!
The war against antibiotics has gone too far! I have a clear infection in my right wrist, but because it presents atypical, and doesn’t fit the “cookie cutter” of “protocols,” I am not properly treated! In fact I am not treated at all. Instead I go for more tests and blood work.
Where will my soul go?
I opt for incineration. To turn to ashes the box in which I suffered so much, fought so much and it seems I am loosing the battle despite my desperate efforts to stay alive! To die of an untreated infection in the 21st century, in America because it doesn’t fit the “protocols” imposed by the health care system! How unreal, yet real is this, but IT IS HAPPENING TO ME!!!
I am about to purchase a GREEN URN. I wish my ashes placed with a tree seed and planted in a peaceful place where there are no health insurance companies, no ridiculous medical protocols designed to kill people slowly, while sending them for more tests, and where there is common sense and unconditional love!
Hmm… is there such a place, or did the greed for money corrupt and invade every corner of our Earth?
I continue to mediate and wonder, where my soul will go…
Where will yours?