I need to state from the beginning that this post is the result of a very personal situation and it does not approve or disapprove this very controversial issue. It is not for me to judge other people’s decisions but this thought, which I will share, has been on my mind for a long time.
Yesterday I decided to share it, as crazy as it might seem, for the only reason that I hope it might help someone out there in the world because I know these posts are read in over 124 countries.
This “situation,” has to do with my birth. Those of you who know me personally, or read The Gypsy Saw two Lives, or the first 100 posts of The Nude Truth, know that my life was NEVER EASY. Crisis after crisis, to the point that I wondered if I lived in a soap opera.
Positive thinking? I believe that without a good attitude I would not exist today.
I kept asking myself: WHY? WHY things that come so easy to most people don’t come to me? Why do I have to climb mountains and as I think I reached the peak fall all the way down at the bottom and start climbing again. My life reminded me of the Greek legend of Sisyphus.
In all these life trials, no matter how difficult and unexpected, somehow, I was helped and supported by friends, which I call Angels, and manage to continue this journey called life. I felt that no matter how hard, a Divine hand always pulled me out of hopeful situations. That didn’t mean I didn’t do my part of struggles to stay afloat. As the saying goes, “God helps those who help themselves.” I knew I had to give it all and I did and continue to do.
However, WHY IS EVERYTHING SO HARD?
I have been thinking of this a lot and some of you might think I am crazy, but to find an explanation for life’s hardships, my mind went back to the way I came into this WORLD.
Here is the story:
My mother, a medical doctor in communist Romania, where people barely could afford one child, had several abortions. The year before I was born, she was pregnant with a boy who was supposed to come into this world. However, my Mom, an ophtalmologist, while she was pregnant with the boy, had a patient who came to see her with her baby, born with NO EYES. Two holes. I was never told the details of what happened, but after that consult my mom decided to abort the boy.
A year later I was allowed to manifest into this world! The first disappointment was that I was a girl!
I am using the word “manifest” for a reason…
What do I mean?
Here is my belief. Please don’t hate or love me for it and don’t think I am crazy because sanity is only a perception.
My theory requires a belief in the existence of the SPIRIT. Of the fact that we are more than an organized body of flesh and bones which dies when our “packaging,” our bodies become dust or ashes.
With that believe in mind, I concluded that it was difficult from the beginning to “manifest” into this world, as planned by a Higher Power. I don’t know, but what if there is a spirit which is meant to be birthed into this world? What if the same spirit, embodied in me, is the same which tried to manifest each time mom had an abortion?
I feel it was hard even before I was born and that “spirit,” who was sent back so many times, yet managed to manifest in me, at last, must be here for a reason…
This very personal theory makes me try to lead a meaningful life. It has been so hard, it must be for a good reason.
I am still trying to understand it, so I may do what I am meant to do.
Because the way I was born, I never considered abortion as a personal option. However I believe in birth control and counseling of both people who are thinking to bringing a life into this world and mothers who feel they could not take care of a babies.
In conclusion, I believe the essence who lives in me, “the same spirit” tried to manifest on Earth several times and was sent back… where? I don’t know, but this process resulted in hardships once this spirit was finally allowed on Earth.
The positive side is that from the very beginning to be here required perseverance and this is the gift God gave me in this life and I am using it to the best of my abilities as I continue to get up and climb again up the mountain of life.
NEVER GIVE UP, NO MATTER HOW HARD!
Please share your thoughts on this topic. I would really appreciate to learn how you feel.