OVERWHELMED!!! How to “overwhelm,” feeling “overwhelmed.”

Who hasn’t felt overwhelmed?

Perhaps, at times, we are so overwhelmed, we don’t recognize it. As a popular saying states, “we can’t SEE the forrest because of the trees!” We are in The picture, how could we SEE it? We are too close!

How do we define overwhelmed?  Honestly, as with everything else, perception is WHAT defines this emotion, as well.

I would describe such a feeling as lack of direction. When I feel there is so much food on my plate, I simply cannot eat it all, nor do I know where to start, but I must and am confused and feel helpless!

Common sense would tell me to start with the healthy foods and either eat less or not at all, the unhealthy ones. WHAT about everything is healthy and necessary?

How would the above statement translated to our lives?

DO WHAT is vital for your life, THE NEEDS, First, and leave the “wants” last.

Prioratize in writing. Scientific Research determined that if we write our worries, we become less worried.

At times, it might be hard to SEE the difference between “needs,” and “wants.” Here are a few examples:

I know it’s boring, but for most people, needs are: a roof over our heads, clothing in agreement with the season, food, basic cleaning supplies for self and our home.

Paying our utilities, electricity, water, gas, phone, are also needs on my list. Having enough money to pay them, would definitely make me feel less overwhelmed. Let’s continue our list of priorities, needs and wants.

Health is a huge priority for me, as without Health one has nothing! Unfortunately, if one doesn’t have good Health Insurance, one is doomed at looking from the outside at the many new, life-saving drugs and procedures which are not available without good insurance.

In fact, currently, Medicare is in the process of ” experimenting”  trying to determine what’s good for ITS members,  a decision which, in my opinion, should be yours and your doctors!

Good Insurance premiums ( Health, car, homeowners or renters)  are all boring priority! In fact, if we review the list, everything in the needs list is boring, absolutely necessary and requires MONEY!!! Also, all of these needs are FIX expenses! By the time we pay the fix expenses and get to food, another NEED, we might feel so overwhelmed, we might give up or throw up!

This is  a choice…

I will go on:)

After we are done prioratizing our needs, and assuming we have enough money left, there are many choices of wants.

Personally, I’d go for a massage and meeting a friend for a meal and most importantly, good company! I’d invest in some good essential oils which help with anxiety. I’d schedule walks with a friend, three times a week! WOW! Please note this is FREE, but you must buy the shoes!

At last… But not least, BREATHE!!!

This post is just touching the surface of discussing a complex emotion, which affects many of us.

As most of you know, from writing to me on other topics, I write this blog as Community service. I don’t have the financial wealth to pay a Church 10 percent of  my income, if I did, my fix expenses would go unpaid… So helping others, around The WORLD, is my contribution.

Feel Free to write privately or comment.

“Ask and you shall receive” an answer from me:)

Rodica Mihalis, M.S.

Counseling and Clinical Psychology

Is This Expensive, Or Inexpensive?????

Universal wisdom tells us to speak or write about topics we have experienced personally and know directly.

For instance, I like dogs, nature, cooking and community, volunteer activities. I could address any of these topics with ease and writing or speaking about any of them wouldn’t feel like a burden, but as a joyous activity.

On the other hand, if for some mysterious reason, someone asks me (= forces me) to write about singing Opera or anything technological… oh… well, they would most likely conclude I was…not that smart. There must be a politically correct word for it, but I don’t know it.

In this post I am attempting to address the issue of expensive versus inexpensive, life purpose and perception.

A story will be used, to make it easier to relate to, because most likely a majority of us, humans, experienced it or a version of it directly, in our daily life.

Let’s say, someone would like to experience a massage. Oh, who wouldn’t like the soothing power of good touch. Most people would, but if someone experienced bad touch, then they would fear touch, based on their previous experiences.

This story addresses the people who love good touch and therapeutic massage helps them not only relax, but with a specific physical condition.

Let’s say, the prospective client asks the massage therapist (please note the use of the title, massage therapist, NOT” masseuse,” which in my mind has a sexual connotation. No “happy endings,” people!!!)

The professional described in this story is someone who went to school  for at least six months to become a massage therapist, who knows anatomy, respects privacy   and who passed difficult tests, both written and practical. A person who paid a lot of money and invested her/his soul to help others.

Back to the main stream of our story:

The massage therapist, who is still paying her school loans, responds to the prospective client:

“Sixty dollars an hour.”

“What, sixty dollars an hour!!! Wow, this is how much I spend for food weekly (I guess the prospective client was on a diet.)!!!”

I am intentionally leaving it up to YOU, the reader, to END the story…but will share my PERCEPTION.

If I were the therapist, I’d consider $60.00  a very reasonable fee. In doing so, I’d take into consideration the hundreds of hours I invested in learning the skills to help my clients; I’d consider the high quality equipment, the expensive aromatherapy and the oils/creams I use. Above it all, I’d consider the fact that a part of MY SOUL is invested in each person I help.

Is all of the above worth $60.00? MY PERCEPTION IS, YES, it is.

How about the prospective client’s  point of view? She/he, compares the cost of massage to grocery shopping. If we do that, indeed, the massage is expensive.  However,  isn’t that  comparing apples and oranges?

There is no right or wrong answer, but PERCEPTIONS and points of view, depending of our own interests. I used to say: when you give a massage for $60.00 is inexpensive. When you pay for a massage $60.00 it is expensive!

The key to this story and a confession:

Years ago, I was a massage therapist who was schooled by a group of nuns. The Medical Mission Sisters are known internationally for their excellent work and dedication to the poor.

At some point, in the past, I no longer could  follow the path of being useful by offering the best of me in that profession, but NEVER gave up that I was here, on Earth for a purpose!

Each of us has a purpose. Sometimes, (let’s face it, most times,) like many others, I do not understand the big picture, but must have FAITH. Hmm …Faith… it will be the topic of a different post.

Always DO ONE’S BEST– this is the motto which continues to guide my life!

With that as a guiding principle, I went to graduate school and earned my Master of Science in Counseling and Clinical Psychology. For most outsiders, it looked crazy, to go back to school  at an age when most think “retirement,” but to me it looked like the right thing to do, as I believe in life with a PURPOSE.

At the present time, despite physical limitations, using both  rich and diverse life experiences and higher education, I am an online Counselor for a global counseling company https://www.proventherapy.com/Rodica

I hope, in this way, I contribute a small piece to the good cause of de- stigmatizing  mental illness and making help available to people who, otherwise, would not afford quality counseling because of the lack of money.

If you read this post to the very end, I hope you found it helpful and have been reassured of your UNIQUE VALUE and PURPOSE on this life path!

Thank you for continuing to follow the waves of this life as we all are experiencing them… but perceive them differently.

Rodica

 

 

or

I hope

Why Holidays Are So Hard for Some of Us (in preparation of next week scheduled telephone chats)

I will not even attempt to guess why the Holidays are hard for you… All I could say is, I hope our time together will make you feel better.

It could be unpaid bills, not enough money to buy your kids the desired toys, or the expectation that once again the “family” will sit together and all will start just fine, until Uncle Frank gets too drunk and remembers bad things of long ago…It could be the regret that once you had a family and festive meals, but now you are alone and depressed…

All I could write about is why the holidays are hard for my family and me in particular.

In 2005, in November, as I was driving home from an Al Anon meeting (meetings to support the families of alcoholics), my phone rang. It was 10:00 PM and reluctantly I pulled the car to the side of the road.

I picked up and answered: “Hello?”

“He is dead!!!”‘a man’s voice said. It was my ex-husband’s brother.

He was letting me know my ex-husband completed suicide and told me I must tell our teen daughters immediately. After all he was there father! I hesitated, but for once didn’t listen my gut.

I drove home quickly, woke up my youngest, and as gently as I could whispered:

” Honey, I am so sorry…Your father is dead!”

She was 15 at the time. My  older was out with her boyfriend. I called them and asked to come home, there was an emergency.

I went to my youngest’ s bed again. She  was motionless, as if in a trance. I shook her  shook.  I held her tighter…but I could not transfer her any courage or strength. I was empty!

” I know this is terrible,” I said and hugged her. She pushed me away.

Soon the elder daughter and her boyfriend arrived, and we all sat there, in the living room, crying and shivering and not coming to terms with the reality of the sudden chosen death of their father who was leaving behind so many unanswered questions for all of us…

How do you understand? Come to terms? Heal? Is it even possible.

The best explanation of life of people who survived the suicide of someone close is: as if you rebuilt a life around a hole, but life will never be the same.

Support groups, friends, family, church and community… what helps most?

We will discuss it next week, if you call.

Please see the schedule in the post.