Law and Rules!

There are laws, and there are rules. Some serve us, some don’t…

A law is so to speak “written in stone” and hard to change. Rules are the “individual babies” of various institutions. “Babies” the leadership decided to vote in with the scope to boost the good functioning of the institution.

Recently, life forced me to reflect at a deeper level on the topic of laws and rules, as one specific “rule,” affected my life deeply and not in a positive way.

How many times have I heard that one thing or another could not happen, could not be done, because a law, from years before, prevented an action. An action, which under the new circumstances of our lives would have been beneficial to people. Yes, people, as in the very humans (or their grandchildren) who made the laws in the first place. Did it ever happen to you? This realization, made me question:

Do we make the laws or do they make us? Are we prisoners of our own laws?

Furthermore, knowing that the only certain thing in life is CHANGE, how could people change old laws  using a timely democratic system, to meet the present needs of the majority adequately?

Another, less permanent category, are new “rules” (not yet laws) made in principle to “improve the good functioning of a institution and serve its clients.”  The rules are made at local levels  and  at  surface they are made keeping in mind the benefits of the clients.

However,  a personal experience, forced me to look at a deeper level and made me question the true goals of a specific rule…This “rule” affected my life at a very personal level, at a time when I was counting on support and was paying for it.

On a superficial analysis,  the rule seemed  illogical, but on a deeper level, I thought the new rule was not made having in mind the clients’ benefits, but to boost profits to the institution as a primary goal. Hmm… what do the “wise ones” say?” FOLLOW THE MONEY!!!

Generally new rules have the hidden or explicit role to boost profits. Nothing wrong with it, but what if this is a health care facility, even worse, a mental health facility of great reputation. What if these apparently benign new rule, impacts  negatively the lives of people who are already affected by emotional problems? They had the need and the courage to  walk in the facility, answer endless questionnaires, put their most intimate problems on a plate and start treatment trusting their therapist and the system?   How about them? How about if the new rule disrupts a process already hard? What could be the consequences to the very people the facility is responsible to serve and help? I could only speak for myself…

This post might seem mysterious, as I do not name “names,” but the problem of  a rule made by a specific institution, affected me profoundly and  is at the core of what inspired this writing. Why I decided to write about it?

I made a commitment to JUSTICE  and TRUTH and am holding myself responsible to the promise I made:

Always write the NUDE TRUTH. I am still in a process of “discovery” and this post will have a follow up. It will have the same title (plus PART II.)

Meanwhile,  I’d appreciate your opinions on the basic question of laws and rules, who they serve and how could they be changed through a more expeditious democratic system when and if they cease to accomplish the very purpose for which they were made in the first place? Could you think of any such laws/rules, that affected you?

Happy thinking!

 

 

Love and Addictions! Could a Person in Active Addiction Love His/Her Partner the Way They Expect and Deserved to Be Loved??

Addictions!!! Addictions everywhere, to various drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, sex, various harmful behaviors… just about anything that would product a quick HIGH to only leave the user wanting more, needing more and using/doing more! Addictions plague our lives, some in the open, some hidden under the mountains of lies and pretense.

Addictions run in my family and my husband’s, or to tell the truth, my ex-husband’s, who two years after our separation killed himself. Why? It is hard to tell, because suicide is a complex matter, and the ways depend on each person and not what those around do, or do not do. 

When I first met my husband of almost 20 years, I knew he was smoking weed, I suspected he was using other, more potent drugs, but in my innocent mind, believed I was going to CHANGE HIM!!! Stop the addictions because they were bad for him and I was so skilled in showing him the “healthy” path, he would just turn away from addictions and follow my lead to a long, happy life. To put it plainly, I thought I could control the bad… I overestimated the evil…

At the beginning, it worked. One by one, he quit all the damaging substances. Later, I realized that perhaps, at the beginning, the needed “high” was coming from the novelty of the situation, from a new sexual  relationship and a new life that came with it: a home, children the admiration of those who thought he was “hopeless…”

Temporary!!! Yes, it was all temporary!

Unless an addicted person wants himself or herself to CHANGE!!! other people’s efforts are useless!

I don’t mean to “deflate” anyone, but YOU CANNOT CHANGE ANYONE PERMANENTLY!!! A PERSON MUST WANT TO CHANGE HIMSELF OR HERSELF!!! Changing  others is not possible. We only have control over ourselves and our attitude and what we do with our lives.

So… could a person in active addiction or forced to quit LOVE YOU?

My experience? May be in the beginning, when you are the new high, the novelty. But is this love or lust? Is it deep and lasting? Is it trustworthy?

In a few years, if the person was forced to quit because of YOU, it may turn to resentment, fear and ultimately lies, when your addicted partner starts hiding from you the fact  that they went back to their first love: the bottle, weed, cocaine, gambling, sexual encounters with no strings attached…  you might not even know! I didn’t. For years I thought his sudden sweats where the result of a  mysterious health condition and our lack of money, the result of a bad economy!  Until one day, when I received a letter from the IRS and I looked through our finances to find tens of checks written to cash… $5,000 each. And that was the day when I was pushed from the top of the tower of blind trust into the dark waters of fear and mistrust! The addictions won over our lives, our children, my love and trust. I was powerless and humbled.  

Do they love YOU, the children you conceived together? The answer, as I experienced it, is, may be, but are they able to EXPRESS their love for you, their children? The love for the “addiction” comes FIRST!!!  You and your family compete with the addictions! Everything is done to cover the truth: lies, financial deceit, promises, lies again…

The only path I know of, which leads to a good like, is the person’s own will and decision to change. God gave us FREE WILL and CHOICES and CONSEQUENCES. Each person is only responsible and may only make theirs.

I humbly must admit that no one could “save” or “change” anyone else, unless they want to. A partner may support, encourage and be with someone who, on his/her own wants a change.

Control over others is a myth! Control over our own attitudes, is the truth!