With divorce rates at least at 50/50 percent it could be safely assumed that there are a lot of single people on our Planet at the present time. I will only share some thoughts about single women because my divorce was final in 2005 so I feel I could speak like a “pro” on the topic.
There could be a multitude of scenarios but they say to speak about what you know best.
For that reason, I will speak about the truth regarding single womanhood as I experience it!
There is a popular belief that one couldn’t forget or “heal” and place an old love on the back shelf of our hearts, unless a new Prince Charming appears in our lives, white horse or not.
Truth be told, if I didn’t have a Master’s in counseling and Psychology and years of sitting on the client ‘s chair, because how could one support a client if she/ he has never been one?
The story of my romantic relationships started early in my life, for strictly practical reasons:
I believed in love and my mother believed in being sexually active only if married! The result was that at 18, I eloped with my high school sweetheart and we got married!
Contrary the common belief, our marriage lasted about 14 years but ended tragically with my first love fathering a son with a coworker, while I was trying to find a job and bring him from then communist Romania to the United States.
This was the first time when I questioned my ability to tell truth from lies and TRUST!It took me about a year of emotional confusion and pain but then, I threw myself in the deep pond of dating in America! There were lot of fishes of all forms and ages!
My singlehood, as I define it now was rather a game of choosing my next male partner. To be honest, since my first love already divorced me and married the mother of his son, I felt kind of a biological competition, with my clock ticking strongly, as I was now in my thirstiest!
Tick tock, tick tock, after dating a few already scarred men, recovering themselves from failed marriages, I met the one, who came not on a hoarse, but in a talking car!
We dated about two years, which I believe showed maturity on our side and then we got married, had two lovely kids, several pets… We were living the American Dream!
We lived it for almost 20 years, until one day, I opened a letter from the IRS and discovered my rock, my husband holding an MBA in finances was behind paying taxes! Not a good situation and suddenly, I fell from atop my comfort zone all the way down in the arms of confusion and uncertainty!
Unlike the first time, now I had the responsibility of two teen children and several pets!
The years 2004 and 2005, described in my book, “The Gypsy Saw Two Lives,” as “The Year From Hell,” detail the Hellish situation, but the goal of this post remains to detail what truly means to be a single woman and become self- sufficient and know thyself before jumping in the pond again and repeating the same mistakes!
2005– I was divorced, my daughters moved as far from tragedy and me as the length of the USA permitted! In the minds of most of today’s adult children, as a mother, I had to be proud I raised self- sufficient, educated daughters who no longer needed my help. I was suggested to find another project since my two children turned so well, they no longer needed me! Again, the pain caused by such statements and the consequences will be the topic of other writing, and I am bringing myself back to WHAT it means to me a single woman!
This time, after my 2 ND divorce and all the education acquired, I knew I should know myself first before even considering a relationship.
What does this mean exactly?
A few practical examples first:
You have a flat tire on the highway, you call AAA not your ex.
A shelf in the house is crooked, you straightedge yourself, or you call a handyman at $20 an hour, if you find one!
You learn to mow the grass or pay for the service. If you need to go to the doctor you drive yourself and no one will be waiting worried sick about you!
Oh well, in all honesty while I was married I was still driving my self to the doctor and no one was worried! Perhaps this is why I divorced…
However, the point I am trying to make is that singlehood implies that you do not ask or expect help from any potentially romantic relationship or your ex.
To truly be ready, if ever, to trust again another human being, you have to first go through the stage of self-sufficiency and self-discovery!
However, singlehood it’s not all bad! You might discover people like you who love for who you are, make new friends and take up new hobbies.
After ten years of meditating and trying to understand my part in the relationships of the past, I feel ready to embark in exploring love, closeness but above it all: TRUST!
Let’s see what the future brings!