Friends. What would our lives be without our friends? As the saying goes, “one could not choose their relatives, but could their friends.”
Then why so much drama, heartbreak, and ultimately break-ups with the people WE CHOSE?
My personal experience, as a whole, is that there are various categories of friends:
Here are some I experienced personally (perhaps my experience is unique, but just in case it might ring a bell for someone else,) here are my unscientific, but heartfelt discoveries.
Disclaimer: If you always were, are and will be rich, good looking and sheltered this does not apply. However, sadly, while everyone seems to be your friend… only real life could tell, meaning the ups and the downs. The fairy tails are limited to a few.
My personal life took me down, and up, and down again (just as described in the first part of this blog which became a published book, “The Gypsy Saw Two Lives.”
What I didn’t talk about ever, was that these life experiences taught me the hard way who my real friends will always be.
There are a few categories. Here they are:
1. The friends of convenience.
You are neighbors, you bring each other food when the other is sick and your kids play together. In which case, you car-pull. One of you moves far away. You exchange first weekly phone calls, then monthly, which soon drops to a text here and there and… silence.
2. The friend in need.
Yes, definitely our nation, as a general rule, is generous. When one is in need, not only real friends, but strangers run to help. It happened to me and my family, and I felt loved unconditionally. However, in those hard times, when some “friends” determined I had nothing else to offer them, well, sadly, they found reasons to disappear. For example, suddenly they develop allergies to your dogs, cats…or your problems. The good news is that the friends in need, at least in my case, by far outnumbered the ones I lost. Perhaps they were not friends? Which brings to mind the possibility that my “judgement” might be in need of improvement…
3. Friends when you are not in need
So… I decided to raise from the ashes, just like the famous bird in the Greek legend, Phoenix (not like in Phoenix Arizona, whose newspaper is “The Republic of Arizona”. No, I was the “Phoenix bird,” who in spite of illness, raising two teens on my own, the suicide of my ex-husband, my daughters’ father, disability followed by loss of business, I was going to raise again to be the best that I could be and fulfill MY PURPOSE of being on this Planet.
I wanted to understand WHY my judgement of people has been so poor in certain situations. Therapy? Not enough. Support Groups? Helpful, only. How about if I go back to school and… you guessed, I got my Masters of Science in Counseling and Psychology. On top of it, I broke my foot and being confined in bed I wrote a book which was published!!!
Wait!!! I was not going to die? Or go to the asylum for the insane? Hmm… Who does that! If not in a Greek legend.
Suddenly, some of the same friends who generously supported me in my worst of times… disappeared.
I was hurt and disappointed. I misjudged again!
I asked my therapist (I confess I have a therapist and believe one goes in therapy for self improvement and to know oneself and the roots of our issues and not when it’s too late and we are in the mist of a crisis– I also believe people who seek therapy are not “crazy” but love them self enough to want to know who they are) I consider myself one of them, so when I asked my therapist why some of the people who supported me in hard times were turning their backs on me, when I was trying to recover? She summed it up:
“Some people categorize you, in their minds, you are on a shelf. You were on the shelf of needy and when one has the means it feels good to feel generous and make a good deed. But YOU changed the shelf. YOU, despite ALL expectations came back from the ashes and NO longer belonged on their shelf. They just didn’t know which shelf to place you on. You confused them”
4. The Real True Friends
Her explanation made sense, especially that a handful of people, my real TRUE friends, were with me in good and bad times. They had the empathy to support me in the worst of times, and the hearts to enjoy and support my efforts of not giving up and recover. True friendships don’t stop when one moves away, even over the Ocean. True friends are for life and not “under certain circumstances.”
Someone once said “if you are lucky, you have five good friends.” I consider myself more than lucky.
In conclusion, friendships are to me like marriages without the sexual involvement. Just like in a marriage though, a TRUE friend will be there for you for better or for worst.
…and last. but not least,” to have a friend, one MUST BE A Friend.”
Just as you did, I too, received over the years tens of emails describing the signs of one of these dangerous conditions. However, because they were either too scientific for my layperson mind or too long for my attention span, I never really grasped the differences between the three, except that they were to be taken very seriously, to call 911 immediately and consult our physician. These wise rules which could save one’s life remain true and what follows is strictly my personal share with you and what I summed up as the result of research and personal experiences. If you don’t know it already, this was my disclaimer:)
The inspiration for this post is a friend of mine, former business partner, with whom I had an appointment. He was always on time and the fact that he stood me up was upsetting. Oh!!! It wasn’t even a romantic date! When I arrived home, a few hours later, on my answering machine (yes, good old times) there was a message from him. His voice sounded slurry and frankly, I thought he might have been drunk, but I knew him well enough to know that he wouldn’t drink that much before lunch (may be after.) He was apologizing for feeling fuzzy, lightheaded and asked me to call him and reschedule. When I called his office, his partner told me that over the day his secretary noticed his speech getting slurred and ONE side of his face drop. She asked him if she should call 911 but he refused for a few hours, until it got worse and his colleagues called 911 despite his opposition. Diagnosis: HE HAD A STROKE!!!!
Unfortunately, he waited too long and he is now in a long-care facility for the rest of his life. This is a case when minutes count!!!
To avoid the long term effects of a stroke it is important to ACT FAST and call 911 or go to the Emergency Room IMMEDIATELY!!!
Here are some signs that one might have a STROKE, and how to remember it FAST (www.stroke.org):
1. F –Face –ask person to smile.If one side of the face drops, it is a bad sign!!!
2. A–Arms–ask person to raise both arms. Does ONE arm drift downward? Not a good sign!!!
3. S — Speech — Is the person’s speech slurred or strange? Time to go to E.R.!!!
4. T— Time to act. If you observe ANY of these signs call 911 immediately.
Acting fast, it could mean not only saving a life but life after an untimely treated stroke. We all know how devastating that could be.
What happens when one has a stroke? When the blood supply to the brain is CUT or reduced depriving the brain tissue from
oxygenation, within minutes BRAIN CELLS BEGIN TO DIE. (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/stroke)
HEART ATTACK OR HEARTBURN BASICS
Rule #1: When in doubt check it out immediately with your physician or go to the E.R. or call 911!
Here are some data which might be useful to know (http://www.medicalnewstoday.com):
Risk factors for heart attack:
Smoking, diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, overweight. ALL or one of these puts you at a higher risk for heart attacks.
Sings one should not ignore!!!
SUDDEN onset of tightness, pressure, squeezing, burning discomfort in CHEST, THROAT, NECK or EITHER ARM.
Even more alarming, if in addition one experiences sudden onset of pressure, nausea, vomiting, fainting sensation and shortness of breath.
Go for immediate help!
I know that many times some of these symptoms are present, the person panics and thinks it is a heart attack when it is the good old, heartburn that haunts millions! Again, to be safe I would panic and call 911 and go to the ER to ONLY find out it’s heartburn. The risk of NOT checking immediately is too high to take. It is truly a matter of life and death.
However, I found interesting this easy tip shared by dendenin in a post dated November 1, 2012 (www.medicalnewstoday.com)
Take 1/2 glass water and stir in a level teaspoon of bi-carb (baking soda). Drink it down.
If it might be a digestive issue (acid reflux/ heartburn) you will feel better. You will BURP immediately.
My comment: Make an appointment with a gastroenterologist to check your digestive system.
However if the symptoms described above continue for longer than ten minutes, you don’t burp, or you still feel worse, seek immediate attention.
I confess the angina word always confused me. Is it serious? Should I worry, what is it exactly and what are some of the symptoms?
Angina means that your heart doesn’t get enough BLOOD supply. When this happens one experiences one or all of these symptoms: pain in shoulders, arms, jaw, back…and this feels like indigestion to confuse us more!
Yes, after reading that angina meant I don’t get enough supply of blood to my heart, I took this very seriously, as it should be taken.
What would I do if experiencing any of the above?
Knowing too little and thinking I know it all could be dangerous, so, I’d go IMMEDIATELY run to be checked by a professional (the semi-Gods, called M.D.s who spent ten years of their lives studying so they could diagnose us correctly:)… and I would trust them, but in the case of heartburn or reflux diagnosis especially, I would go for a second opinion. Based on personal experiences, I am a promoter of second opinions, even third opinions in our diagnosis, but not when one’s face is twisted and their speech is slurred or one feels pressure in the chest. NO, under those circumstances, I’d trust the first semi-God to restore me to health.
Better safe than sorry!!!
If you haven’t rear the posts Buyer be Aware Parts 1 and 2, which triggered tens of comments which confirmed we were schemed, please read those two posts first, so this UPDATE makes sense.
These posts are a community service, as I do not get paid either for my research, writing or ads.
As you might recall one of the many well informed comments on my blog, was that it is the SAME group of people and they change the name of the products marketed only.
A few days ago I noticed on the side of my Facebook account three or four in very bad taste pictures all featuring Ellen Degeneres (by the way, she received People’s Award last night -Congrats, Ellen!). My first thought was, who is trying to trash Ellen? What kind of people are these? But… human curiosity at worked, I clicked and what did I see??? An ad about a COMBO of two skincare products (different names) which a woman Brenda “discovered,” and now she looked 20 years younger! As I continued to read I recognized the same pattern: ONLY 14 day trial (written in bold) and to return the jars half used and to call for a number (return merchandise)
I didn’t have time that day to check the entire article and take notes. This is when I wrote the post to check for updates. Well, there were no updates on the face creams, but the “scandalous” Ellen’s pictures kept showing up on the right side of my page!
I clicked on some Ellen pictures for a few days, but they took me to other sites, advertising and selling other products.
Today, surprise!!! One of the clicks on Ellen’s unbecoming pictures took me to a skin care COMBO ad, but under a different NAME! Since the names keep changing I will not mention them because clearly, it is the method we must understand!
Yet it was Brenda who discovered this combo and looked 20 years younger, there were still the ONLY 14- day trial and “no hassle” return( lol) policy and the two products HAD to be used together to work!
While I am not sure this is the same group using different products, or different people, I just wanted to let everyone know I will NEVER purchase any products which are advertised in such a manner. I learned my lesson.
In addition, LEAVE Ellen alone! She is a great comedian and hostess!
The Office on Violence against Women claims that domestic violence is not only on the rise, it is PANDEMIC!
It doesn’t choose, it could happen to anyone, it takes place behind closed door U.S.s everywhere, yet we don’t speak about it. There is a sense of fear, shame and loneliness, and the time has come to say: enough and take action!
I still remember inventing a story about how I tried to take a book off a high shelf and the book fell on my eye bruising it!
But not all victims are as lucky. Cynthia Wilson’s 19-year old niece was killed, shot 6 times in different parts of her body, by her boyfriend. This unspeakable tragedy inspired Cynthia to write and produce a series of live stage plays based on real life situations. These inspirational plays have as purpose to bring awareness to the problem which we no longer could call a secret and also to raise money for this worthy cause.
Her first play, Battered but not Broken, successfully played nine times in West Virginia and on Friday, January 23, at 8:00 PM and Saturday January 24, and Sunday, January 25, at 2:00 PM and 8:00 PM, the play will be performed in Florida, at The Miramar Cultural Center, City of Miramar.
Each performance will be attended by over 750 people. Many businesses chose to place ads in the playbill (ranging between- $50 a business card,-to $500 for a full page ad)
If you would like to attend or support this inspirational play which uncovers the “secret” which no longer is a “secret,” and contribute to empowering women through creative education, please contact Cynthia Wilson, CEO, Milky Way Productions (also active in many Linkedin Groups) at 304-610-2207 or visit the websites: http://www.milkywayproductions.net
As Bishop Glenton wrote:This Inspirational Stage Play is a message of healing, forgiveness redemption and empowerment.
About an hour ago, I received 3 secrets in the top upper side of my computer screen.
The secrets area are written on my right palm too. Oh I am all sweaty and the black ink lingers slowly from my palms onto my arm!
“.Someone out there, please, find me a paper towel, a paper towel would do!!!.Anything!!!”
I wipe off my fluid hand. Forget the doctor, I will have to not conform.
” You changed the oil.” my client said.” It’s smooth ,much more fluid. It has a human quality to it., What is it?
” it’s a rare natural oil,”
The name? She wants to buy it!
Oh! No, it’s not for the public…. for professional use only! I
to find out more “secrets.”
P.S. Keep posted for the next post and more secrets:)