I will not even attempt to guess why the Holidays are hard for you… All I could say is, I hope our time together will make you feel better.
It could be unpaid bills, not enough money to buy your kids the desired toys, or the expectation that once again the “family” will sit together and all will start just fine, until Uncle Frank gets too drunk and remembers bad things of long ago…It could be the regret that once you had a family and festive meals, but now you are alone and depressed…
All I could write about is why the holidays are hard for my family and me in particular.
In 2005, in November, as I was driving home from an Al Anon meeting (meetings to support the families of alcoholics), my phone rang. It was 10:00 PM and reluctantly I pulled the car to the side of the road.
I picked up and answered: “Hello?”
“He is dead!!!”‘a man’s voice said. It was my ex-husband’s brother.
He was letting me know my ex-husband completed suicide and told me I must tell our teen daughters immediately. After all he was there father! I hesitated, but for once didn’t listen my gut.
I drove home quickly, woke up my youngest, and as gently as I could whispered:
” Honey, I am so sorry…Your father is dead!”
She was 15 at the time. My older was out with her boyfriend. I called them and asked to come home, there was an emergency.
I went to my youngest’ s bed again. She was motionless, as if in a trance. I shook her shook. I held her tighter…but I could not transfer her any courage or strength. I was empty!
” I know this is terrible,” I said and hugged her. She pushed me away.
Soon the elder daughter and her boyfriend arrived, and we all sat there, in the living room, crying and shivering and not coming to terms with the reality of the sudden chosen death of their father who was leaving behind so many unanswered questions for all of us…
How do you understand? Come to terms? Heal? Is it even possible.
The best explanation of life of people who survived the suicide of someone close is: as if you rebuilt a life around a hole, but life will never be the same.
Support groups, friends, family, church and community… what helps most?
We will discuss it next week, if you call.
Please see the schedule in the post.